Its Never Enough

Its never enough to satisfy my parents. I think their dream is for me to live in a box inisde my house and sit there and make magical money and graduate skoo and get married and live with them forever like i understand what they want but they dont understand the sacrafices needed to made to get there and also I feel they keep forgetting IM YOUNG i make mistakes i learn from them i fall i get up why are they always trying to "protect" i understand how a parent wants the best for the child but you cant live my life for me you can give me advice but you have to let me decide on what i want to do. and everyone who knows me knows when you tell me i cnt do something my urge to do it grows very strong so dont tell me i cnt just tell me i shouldnt or you wouldnt advise it talk to me im human right. dont talk to me like a dog dont talk to me like im 5 years old if im speaking calmly then i dont see the need for you to yell like some wild monkey who got shot 3 times like its not necessary. Sigh* im done!

MAD LATE BUT BETTER THEN NEVER

SO I DEF TOOK MY BRACES AND THOUGHT IT MADE MORE SENSE TO TELL THE WORLD THROUGH TXT INSTEAD OF TELLING THE WORLD THRU BLOG!! SO YEAH NO MORE BRACE FACE IM SOO FREAKIN HAPPY BUT NOW 6 MONTHS OF THIS STUPID RETAINER THEN WILL I FEEL TRUE FREEDOM. I THINK THEYRE NICE BUT WHY DONT YOU BE THE JUDGE?

THERE"S A REASON....JUST WISH I KNEW WHY!

So yesterday I found out my grandfather passed away...like hes gone and im not gonna see him until Jesus comes back for us. I loved that man so much...like he wasnt in America for a year and you would think we grew up with each other thats how quickly we grew this strong bond. He was a friend. And just like that he was taken from me. Im happy he was in my life though. Better to have known him now I will be able to have memories of him for the rest of my life. He was full of wisdom and talk about a man of God. Yep that was him. Im happy my father got to speak him before past. My Grandfather had a stroke and lost his ability to speak and all he could say was mah mah. He was on the phone with my father and he was saying "mah mah" and just kept laughing. He was happy to hear my father. And then he passed away. I feel thats all he needed to hear before he died. I keep trying not to cry...i dont even know why i mean I know it happend but like everytime I talk about it I tear up. But I mean I have a right to I mean he was my friend. But sometimes they are just tears of joy. That man had me dying (bad choice of wording huh lol) ok, nah but he was such a character. Well I mean Im not mad he was able to see America and see things he has never seen got to spend time with many members of the family. I love you Papa. I am def going to miss you.

Wanna Know A Secret?

SKOO IS OVA!! OMG ITS OVER 2 YEARS DOWN!!! O MAN I DONT WANNA GO BACK BUTTTTTTT I GOTTA SO THANK YOU LORD FOR HELPING ME SURVIVE ANOTHER YEAR!!!

Get Well Soon!

GET BETTER NOW GRETCHEN AND JEN DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING SICK!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS MWA!!!

Do We Know What We Want?

Men say, women seem to never know what they want, Not tru, its a fact that sometimes they know what they want but they can't get it and since they cnt get what they want it may seem to brush off as an undecisive female when in reality she is stuck, stuck in a world where she wants to be free, wants to be able to love like no othe.r And men they usually kno what they want and they go after it full force and tries their hardest to get to that woman's heart but if a gurl decided to do that she's all of a sudden crazy clingy or a stalker.The ways of this world and being raised by society we think love is suppose to be something perfect and in the relationship partners aren't suppose to have flaws or make mistakes. Like I am starting to learn that love itself is a mistake. Now when you think mistake you think of it in a negative way but that's not always true. Mistakes are lessons in disguise and lessons are what make life the way it is. Lessons create the wise and the wise create a a clear road. It takes work to create a stable love but the road isn't easy as we know but if you work hand in hand nothing else matters. The crazy things caused by love, the happy moments the sad moments the angry moments all created by love makes this four letter word so powerful. Some tend to mistake lust for love. Very simple and easy mistake. When you catch yourself wanting to be with someone only for physical features and activities then realize love has nothing to do with it. So when you fall in love make sure you know that if you fall I was the one who pushed you lmfao no suh ahh i love ruining the moment nah but if you fall someone will always be there to catch you.

This is Not Boston....

Mad this is not Boston moments southern hospitality to certain degrees...DC was fun....didnt really do much but i got to spend time with my family. I really didnt wanna come back to skoo. Its so depressing. Im beginning to realize how upset i was at the fact that Gretchen and Jennifer didnt come on the trip. It wouldve been alot more fun i could almost promise. I got to see Ricky Ross the Boss this weekend and I realized yo,,,,thats that nigga lol hes a cool dude. And his beard is not as scary as seen on tv. Hes not that big neither. Um what else..o you wana know what happend in DC....nuthin really just drank ate at Checkers (hot spot of the week), IHOP, and Hooters played taboo, went to the museum took a L cuz Cav was to baggy for DC went to club LOVE almost got into multiple altercations but got handled real quick and got my @$s grabbed by mad different dudes....they were bytches too as soon as i turned around they were gone...they got me all fvcked up! But all in all good tymes.....Ahh well till next time...

WOW!!

okay so I hate Jen...yea and I hate Gretch...so they got me reading this chicks blog making me frustrated and unable to release this frustration. So yea this chick got talent in writing like Zane was her mother. But umm yea other then that...skoo stressful....social life, str8.....paitence, my nigga....lol love life, still looking....spirtual life, needs more work... drug life, leaving that alone...no suh but yea nuthin special and if n e thing def not rated and the whole world. well ill be bloggin soon lol i promise

1 of 2

So its been about 6 years since I've blogged on this...so what's been up with my life? Well Paitence and I are doing great as friends and I'm very happy to have him as one. I just came off of spring break and I spent it with my gurl Tanya from skoo and my boy Carlton who is also from skoo. I also got to see my loves Cheri and Fleezy. I didn't get to spend as much time as I thought I would but there is always the summer. I didn't even get to spend as much time as I wanted with my best friend Jen but I could visit her very randomly like this week but shhhhh she doesn't know lol. Um I talked to some people I haven't spoke to in a while and that was koo. I (no homo) maybe miss my friends(Mal,Kate, Blondine) its almost sickning lol but that will be fixed real quick but yea...skoo is going straight a lil worried about some classes but I got slapped with a reality stick and I realized that niggaz aint tryin to be in skoo for 30 years I need to get on my grind cuz I'm in a battle with time.

Ha Im Back! (2 0f 2)

Alright yea im catching up on my blogs so 2 for 1 lol

Wow its been a good minute. Well we will try this again lol, clearly the daily thing is working sooooo as often as I can blog I will be sure to do so lol. So my life hmmm I wish I could say whats going on but eh...but n e who i was reading wifey's blog and she was talking about the flippin Notebook, the one movie that created the sap in me. But the blog prior to that about love by example also got to me. I noticed that when it comes to dudes Im all gushy mushy but this is like through AIM and the few times i use my cell phone through phone calls. When i am with them its like eh and i realized after reading Jen's blog that yeah, I may have a father but my parents live more as roomates then husband and wife sad to say. Most of my aunt's are single mom's so love is not something I can express in a way that is understandable. But dont get me wrong even though Jen says tv love doesnt count, its created a kind of love in me. So like when the guy who is lucky enough to have me receives my love they will be like your love is so unreal i thought it only existed in the movies like the Notebook lol....but yeah

The sauciest line Ive ever heard.... I want a love that comes to me with half so that I can make him whole. I cant believe someone could think of that like WHO SAYS THAT!!!!! That line is so amazing i cant even comment more that then simply Thank You!!

Tsunami Anyone?

Did i really swim to and from class today? And is it still rainin? So update on the rest of my day....nuthin really i chilled with Paitence. We talked and you know did our thang lol and talked some more. 4 in the morning talkin now thats takin a L being that I had a 8 am class which by the grace of God i made it. But yea i love talkin to this cat, hes mad cool. But i fear im going to start liking him real soon so imma try and fall back reallll quick lol alright 2mrw!!!! lol im on a roll

In Conclusion...

In conclusion I wasnt wrong. I did get people to argue the case on both sides. But n e who....i guess it shouldnt really matter to me being that we werent a couple but then again whos to say we became a couple and this never came up. So i realize that no matter how many skeletons you got in your closet...one day they will come out. I dont kno what the point of this blog is but im trying this daily blog thing which prob will last till friday but you cant knock me at least i tried, anywho nothing new today, Paitence is still sexy and i brought him to his interview and he gave me a kiss and i felt like a lil pussy lol almost like we were sumthing but like i said im not takin it to heart lol i always say that huh lol wateva ur not the boss of me.. i jus peeped how i started the blog writing mad proper and jus got mad lazy and started writing like this lol ight i might post b4 the day is over or just update you tomorrow on the rest of the night.

RIP CREAM!!! AM I WRONG?

Okay i dont kno if im wrong here. if i am i apologize but the outcome will still remain. So Im feeling dude i was tellin yall about now i mean we kissed. and cream told me he didnt want me kissin or messing with any other dudes cuz it would hurt him. So me being considerate of his feelings i let go and stayed honest and he told me if i ever kissed another guy or anything i should tell him. lately i have been gettin more and more turned off by cream because i felt all he wanted was some @$s. And that got on my last nerves i mean i hear about it and see it on tv but that shyt happens. Anyways i kissed another dude (thats not why i kissed him, i kissed him cuz hmmmm lol) and i did make a promise so i told him and he was like so... why you tellin me for and of course nobody gives me unecessary attitude but i calmly explained what he asked of me, and then he decides to confess he kissed 4 other girls. WHAT? Then he explains they were accidents and kisses mean nothing to him. SERIOUSLY? AM I 4? but anyways i see how i am partially wrong but 4 girls? And i guess what bugs me is he told me he didnt want me doin that and if i did to tell him now personally i think if you ask something of someone it is automatically your obligation to do the same. there really isnt a need for me to say o yeah you too....but mayb that is just me, but when all is said and done cream and coffee is no more. Another one can come along or something or mayb what im lookin for is my young man whos name will remain anonymous maybe we will call him Paitence. lol wow but please let me kno if im wrong.

Paitence Pays?

Tonight he asked me to go for a walk with him. In this way we could talk and get to know each other a lil better. A lil nip but I was down...I mean why not I personally thought it was sweet. So we walked we talked and we laughed then we got to our destination. And I quote, "This is where I come and just admire God's beautiful work. I mean why not you know?" PAUSE....what did he just say....rewind, "?wonk uoy ton yhw naem I .krow lufituaeb s'doG eirmda tsuj dna emoc I erehw si sihT" Play..."This is where I come and just admire God's beautiful work. I mean why not you know?" (lmao im cooked i really took the tyme to write that) but anyways what was he referring to..the stars we looked at the stars, and they were beatiful and he was talking I was just taking it all in like, nice! But I had a good time we headed back and we talked and laughed some more. I dont know what it is, like I know Im taking it like BOOM! But like I have this thing in me something that I havent felt...like I mean he is great but Im still getting to know him and I dont know I feel like.....I dont know I feel like he is here for a reason...like God has been listening well I know God is always listening but my paitence might be paying off but who knows but He? Its a lil upseting because I still have my Cream but now another Coffee is sweetining me up lol but like I said Im not gonna get ahead of myself. Im gonna take it sloooooooooooooooooooooooow I still have that ice box around my heart but tonight I physically felt warmth...it couldve been me sweating from nervousness lmao but Im going to take it as that ice box melting slowly. And I was happy....well enough of the sap.....FOOTBALL yeahhhhhhh!!!! lmao! Ight then well till next time....

Decisions!!!

Decisions have to be made. Like no matter how much we dont want to make one or how distinct it has to be. No matter what a decision has to be made. Whether it is a good idea or a bad idea that is based on the outcome of the situation in which that decision was based upon. Where am I going with this you ask? Absolutely nowhere. Ive already arrived in your brain...so Im in a prediciment where a decision has to made....one that isnt life changing but at the same time is because any decision made changes your life in some form I must say. It involves more then one guy...no im not cheating...but its like this...you have on that can make you feel like a queen but cant give you passion even when kissing....theres one who can make you melt but you have a deep past and thats all that seems to be riding on.... then you have this innocent bystander who is innocently flirting but in his game he treats you like a queen and can make you melt with a hello but you are afraid to open that door and lose the spontaneity of what we have you kno? But who knows....the decision has to be made...but nobody said it had to be now...lol! So in due tyme!

Ive Got You!!!

The world would be a lonely place without the one who puts a smile on my face. But I got you, to make me feel stronger. When the days an upset and and an hour seems much longer. I love you Jennifer, Sara, Gretchen, Malorie, Kate, Blondine, Uncle Ed, Cav, Butta, Uncle Woody, Margaret, Fafa, Jeffly, Elie, Twin, Vladimir, Eldad, Eliezer, Kerlee, Greg, Shasha, like all of you guys. Dont worry I didnt write your name only because I cant think right now..but like seriously like you guys are my hearts in so many different ways yall dont even know. I might not know how to show it or i might show it too much (like theres such thing) but like i said I love you guys. I got you to make me feel better when the nights are long they'll be easier together. Thank You!! I LOVE YA'LL!!!!!

(ill be bloggin soon about everything lol jus gotta sort my brain out but this is the beginning starting with my heart)

Its 2008, Do You Kno Where You Are?

Wow its been a ill min, fair to say? So 2008.....we are only 7 days into it and Im already sure that its gonna be wayyy more interestin then 07. I mean things are happening in my life that Im sure has to happen but Im not really quite sure why they are happening. I mean I have so much to write but I just cant seem to get it out. As I think about it, it all makes sense but as I write it down....nothing. So Im gonna do my best to guide you thru this without losing you! Lol.

Me: I am in my 3rd semester in skoo. I should be in my fourth but im alright i aint mad. At least Im in skoo. I got 3 bs 1 c and a freakin d but like i said im not mad i just need to work a lil harder. My grades have improved and life is going alright I mean I honestly cant complain. I have no boyfriend still..the logic side of me is koo wit that but the emotion side is just a tad bit lonely. But nothing to worry about in due time. Ahh speaking of guys....

Cream: Doing so well...he is a freakin sweetheart but Im not fallin..he might run but if he is strong then he willl know Im only doing this to protect my precious heart. But all in all he could be strong enough to break me down and make me vaulnarable to his rhythmitic heart beat. Who knows but He?

Him: Best friends we are. We have been through some shyt! But his life at the moment doesnt seem to be all that awsome. Doing tyme because his own blood snitched. Not sayin what he was doin was right but I dont know. He lost everything...they took his car, he has no job. Then they give him is car back but 24 hours later he gets in a fatal accident....hits a telephone pole then a tree and another telephone pole. WTF!!! Yeahhh....with God watchin over him....he gets out...his cousin also in the car is alive. I see the car next day and by the looks of it...he shouldnt be alive but he is. God saved him for me. When I saw the car I wanted to cry. But Im too strong for that chill. He is my testimony, his life makes me think about my life and lets me think it couldve been me or it will be me because we are all the same no matter the kind of sin its is worth the same punishment. God your talkin and best believe Im listening. Change begins for the better and continues for the best.

So 2008, your here and Im ready.